As someone who values humility over narcissism, I took a moment to introspect. Instead of being a parent who asserts authority over younger and less powerful children, I opted to become a genuine and humble parent who treats my kids with respect. I made the choice to listen to and honor my children’s viewpoints, rather than disregarding or overshadowing their opinions with my own. I committed myself to actively listening to their stories and being a mother who can openly acknowledge mistakes and offer genuine apologies.
Here are a few methods that have been beneficial for me:
Biblical Self-reflection
The first involves reflecting on myself using the teachings of the Bible. I delve into the Scriptures to discern if there’s anything impure within me or affecting my life. Instead of merely verbalizing regret, the goal is genuine repentance—actively seeking and implementing changes to foster transformation.
Cultivating Self-awareness with a Planner
Using a planner, I reflect calmly every evening on my day, contemplating the challenges, failures, and mistakes I encountered, jotting them down. I make sure to note the lessons learned from these setbacks. When attempting something again, I consider how I can avoid repeating the same mistakes and how I might handle it more effectively. If a particular method didn’t suit my situation, I searched for an alternative approach.
To emphasize, I observed the trends in my thoughts, words, emotions, and actions. I wrote about how adjusting these elements could address the problems or hurdles I faced. This practice has allowed me to grow more consciously and sustainably in life.
Embracing Growth Through Nonviolent Communication Journaling
Thirdly, I engaged in nonviolent conversation journaling, delving deep into self-exploration while learning to recognize and honor both my own and others’ emotions. This practice taught me to take accountability for my mistakes through non-violent communication, genuinely seeking forgiveness from others. The principles and approach of non-violent communication were briefly introduced in the practical segment, ‘Rules of Conversation with Teenagers.’ Progress was gradual; I stumbled, made mistakes, and encountered setbacks, yet I persisted without giving up. This transformative process began by rebuilding a positive self-perception, acknowledging and valuing my intrinsic worth. I know I have a long journey ahead of me to reach true humility, but I am determined to stay on this path to the end.
The Results of Our Endeavors to Embody Humility
The results of my endeavor towards humility, though progress has been slow and there remain many areas in which I need to develop, have not been in vain. These efforts have resulted in an increase in my self-esteem and in my respect for others. I’ve noticed an increase in the respect I receive from others as well. Instead of evaluating my worth based on comparison with others, I am now confident in my own abilities and value while also acknowledging and appreciating the strengths of others. I endeavor not to be overly disheartened during challenging times and equally avoid becoming arrogant during times of success. Gradually, I am gaining wisdom to not be excessively influenced by praise. Rather than striving for perfection, I prioritize essential tasks and sometimes even choose to let go of unimportant matters. I exert my utmost effort in significant matters, but I am content with moderate success in less crucial areas and move forward. Instead of aiming to always be at the forefront, I strive to do my best.
“I’ve discovered the significance of praising children in a different manner. Rather than solely focusing on their accomplishments or achievements, I emphasize recognizing the effort they put into the entire process. Instead of praise based on comparison or superiority, such as ‘I’m proud of you for outperforming your peers,’ I express pride in their support for each other’s growth. I commend their development of essential skills like listening, empathy, and collaboration. My compliments emphasize appreciation for their efforts and achievements rather than simply saying ‘You are the best.’ While children naturally acknowledge their innate talents and successes, they find stability in mothers who value their efforts and acknowledge their existence. This method significantly bolsters their self-esteem.
Our children are progressing into individuals who acknowledge and value each other’s contributions. We’re fostering a culture of mutual respect and cooperation. Rather than assigning blame during conflicts, we’re nurturing an environment where individuals reflect on their errors, acknowledge them, and offer polite apologies. We’re evolving into individuals who can graciously accept sincere and loving advice without feeling embarrassed. Embracing positive change is pivotal for growth. Despite it being a gradual process, I’ve observed a steady growth in their faith as well.
We need to reflect on whether we’re guiding our children to prioritize their personal pursuits, fame, and success to the extent that they lose sight of the world around them. It’s vital to consider if excessive praise for their achievements might be fostering conceit and overconfidence in our children. Moreover, we should assess if our criticisms are too severe, causing our children to feel disheartened and frustrated when facing failures.
It’s imperative to move away from self-centered and narrow-minded beliefs that solely emphasize our children’s accomplishments and prosperity. It requires adopting an ethos of ‘let’s earn and share.’ If we fail to instill in our children the value of harmonious coexistence and solely prioritize nurturing their pride, they may grow up to forget the kindness of their parents and, ultimately, reject them.
If we limit our children’s sharing, enforce a focus solely on meeting their own needs, and either encourage or dismiss their inclination to measure their worth based on their standing in a competitive society, it’s imperative that we heed parental advice before it becomes too late for their well-being. It’s vital to adjust our speech and actions, rectifying any narcissistic traits in our children for their own happiness and the welfare of those around them.
As parents, our journey begins with introspection, guided by God’s truthful and compassionate teachings. We must reflect on our daily lives, fostering humility and coexistence, building relationships grounded in mutual respect through nonviolent communication.
The most impactful way to influence our children positively is by initiating our own journey of personal growth.
What areas of your life are you looking to change? What specific actions are you taking to facilitate that change? What new habits do you aim to instill?