Korea takes great pride in its remarkable achievements, having undergone rapid growth and accumulated substantial wealth. The country is also renowned for its diverse pool of talented individuals who have gained global recognition. However, Korean society grapples with various challenges, including the highest suicide rate in the world and an increasing crime rate.

According to statistics from the National Police Agency, the number of reported crimes has risen from 286,615 in 2011 to 434,698 in 2020. Alongside this, there has been a noticeable increase in psychological and mental health disorders such as depression, panic disorder, and social phobia. These issues can have detrimental effects, including the breakdown of families and heightened economic pressures.

An unhappy birthday

On a personal level, I have also experienced the prevalence of resentment and anger in Korean society. When conflicts arose, my husband would divert his attention by going to work, while I would remain at home, dwelling on the injustice and unpleasant feelings. These negative emotions only grew stronger, casting a dark shadow over my thoughts for days on end. It felt as though my mind was tangled in an insurmountable knot, causing immense turmoil within me.

Complaining and accusing became all too familiar to me. I would find fault in many aspects of my surroundings. Setting high standards for myself, I would become displeased and even angry when I fell short of those expectations. When my children made mistakes, I would react sensitively to each and every minor error, constantly nagging at them.

Naturally, I did so with the intention of raising my children properly, as it is a parent’s duty. However, I found myself unable to assert my concerns with those who were stronger or held higher positions. I felt myself sinking inwardly, being weak towards the strong but strong towards the weak.

Slowly but surely, my heart began to grow sick. I became disappointed in myself and tormented by guilt and shame for not being able to forgive my children, and for feeling as though I didn’t truly live up to my Christian beliefs and actions. I worried and feared that if I continued down this path, both my children’s and my own future would be filled with misery.

As I watched those days pass by, I sometimes pondered, “What am I doing, living like this?” Even when my young children celebrated my birthday with their loving song, I failed to perceive my existence on this earth as a blessing.

Is “Loser” My Destiny?

Raising three young children took a toll on my physical well-being. With no family or relatives nearby to lend a hand, and my perfectionist tendencies making it challenging to handle household chores and childcare alone, I found myself in a demanding situation. Nonetheless, I would rise early in the morning while my family still slept to dedicate myself to studying English.

I refused to be confined to the four walls of my home forever. My ambition was to become a professional who could make a difference and contribute to society. After attending school for about two years, an opportunity arose for me to serve as a student chaplain at The Christ Hospital in Cincinnati, Ohio, USA, for several months. This valuable experience was part of our school curriculum, which included a hospital chaplain program.

Working alongside fellow student chaplains and providing solace to grieving patients proved immensely meaningful and fulfilling for me. Despite my limited proficiency in English, my primary role was to lend an ear and offer empathy, a role that suited me well. It was during this time that I began nurturing the dream of becoming a hospital chaplain upon completing graduate school.

However, when I applied for a Chaplain Residency, I faced disappointment as no institution extended an acceptance. As years slipped by, and approximately four years after graduating from school, I found myself losing hope. The professors who had shown genuine concern for me during my academic journey retired or passed away, leaving me with wavering confidence in my English skills and an apparent lack of a noteworthy career. I felt like a loser in society.

I became convinced that I would once again be overlooked, and this sense of defeat further hardened my heart. One day, as I scrutinized the wrinkles on my face in the mirror, I realized they were not lines of laughter, but etchings of anger that had repeated over time. The turmoil within my heart began to manifest on my face.

And there was more. Despite my children being in middle and high school, they frequently engaged in petty arguments. The unrest within my heart seeped into their relationships, casting a shadow over their interactions.

Transforming from a “Loser” to a “Overcomer”

I knew it was time for a change. I couldn’t bear to continue dwelling in negative thoughts and sinking deeper into depression. With my slow reading pace and a load of household responsibilities, I shifted my focus primarily to listening to YouTube content instead. Thankfully, there were numerous kind-hearted individuals out there who graciously shared their valuable time and wisdom for free.

I started immersing myself in a wide range of topics, including the habits of successful people, the mindset of those who foster healthy relationships, and the secrets to finding genuine happiness. Absorbing their insights, I diligently took notes and began implementing their teachings, one step at a time.

Thanks to the wonders of YouTube’s algorithm, I was constantly exposed to videos that fueled my personal growth and development. Then, towards the end of 2018, I stumbled upon a self-development program curated by a dynamic entrepreneurial couple. It was a turning point that sparked my genuine commitment to reshaping my thoughts and life patterns.

For the first time in my life, I embarked on a profound journey of introspection, thoroughly reassessing the direction of my life, and expanding my aspirations. Ironically, not pursuing a career as a chaplain afforded me more time to devote to my own personal growth and development.

Habits for Success

It turns out that developing success habits isn’t as daunting as it may seem. I decided to give it a try because they say that life can change when we incorporate simple practices into our daily routines. I started learning about the habits of accomplished individuals as they were recommended to me.

Some of these habits included starting the day by looking in the mirror and expressing gratitude for the blessings that would come my way. I also made it a point to hydrate properly, take deep breaths while praying, and immerse myself in positive affirmations. Planning and reflecting on my daily schedule, going for refreshing walks outdoors, and maintaining a gratitude journal were among the other habits I embraced.

As a Christian, I dedicated extra effort to reading and meditating on the teachings of the Bible. Its messages of love and truth became my guiding light. Whenever I felt discouraged, thinking that progress and growth were slow or stagnant, the Bible strengthened my resolve.

I discovered that many of the prominent figures mentioned in the Bible went through long periods of refinement, enduring hardships and frustrations. As I delved into the Word while pursuing personal development, its meaning became more profound and all-encompassing.

I aimed to bring about a simultaneous transformation in my thoughts, emotions, words, and actions. However, I didn’t try to adopt all of these habits overnight. I approached the process calmly and without rushing, gradually integrating a few habits at a time.

If I succeeded in practicing these habits on any given day, I expressed gratitude. On the occasions when I stumbled, I simply reminded myself that I could try again tomorrow, treating it as a minor setback. To be honest, there were many days when I struggled and didn’t quite meet my goals. Nevertheless, with an unwavering belief in perseverance, I continued to embrace the challenge. Additionally, I sought guidance from books and videos that helped foster positive habits, steadily enriching my journey of personal growth.

Gratitude Saves Me

Among the various practices, the one that truly transformed me was cultivating gratitude. I engaged in activities like journaling, silently uttering “thank you,” expressing gratitude with my family before bedtime, and acknowledging my blessings while looking in the mirror.

This deliberate choice was aimed at counteracting my deeply ingrained tendency to focus on negativity and overlook the good things and blessings in my life. It wasn’t an easy task, though.

Initially, it took me quite a while to come up with three things to be grateful for. My habit of fixating on the negative made it challenging to recall and appreciate positive experiences. I felt embarrassed and questioned whether I truly embodied the Christian spirit.

To overcome this, I started saying “thank you” a hundred times a day, even without any specific reason, with the intention of naturally nurturing gratitude for even the smallest things. As I repeated the words, “One, thank you. Two, thank you… Thirty, thank you,” something amazing occurred. Thoughts of sincere appreciation started to flow through my mind.

I expressed gratitude by looking at my reflection with a smiling face in the mirror. Every morning, as I turned on the bathroom light and gazed into the mirror, I would say, “Thank you for granting me another opportunity to grow. Thank you for using me to bless others. I am grateful for the blessings bestowed upon me today.”

When a family member did something wrong and the urge to criticize arose within me, I shifted my focus to the benefits and joys I experienced because of their presence, and I felt grateful. As gratitude welled up, I would open my planner and jot down what I was grateful for before the feeling faded or I forgot the specifics.

Alongside maintaining a gratitude journal, I introduced a new ritual with my family. We would gather together before bedtime and share three things we were grateful for that had happened during the day. We consciously infused gratitude into our family dynamic, even if it occasionally felt forced. This practice resulted in significant positive changes within the family atmosphere.

Initially, there were complaints and questions about why we were doing this exercise. Comments like, “Do we have to do this?” or “When will it end?” arose, especially when there were unfinished homework or impending exams. My children struggled to find things to be thankful for, often repeating the same entries.

However, as weeks turned into months, and eventually six months passed, I began to understand why successful individuals repeatedly emphasized the importance of keeping a gratitude journal. Gradually, a shift occurred within my thoughts and emotions. The inclination to dwell on flaws, mistakes, and faults, whether in myself or others, started to diminish. The constant nagging and criticism toward my children also decreased.

Instead, my eyes began to notice and appreciate the admirable qualities, strengths, and achievements of both myself and my children. Expressions of appreciation for their presence and hard work multiplied. Even in surroundings that I used to complain about, I discovered beauty and experienced healing of both body and mind.

Although the external circumstances remained unchanged, my heart and perspective underwent a transformation. I began to recognize an abundance of things to be grateful for in the world, most of which I had already been enjoying. Whenever the old habit of complaining resurfaced or I faced difficulties, I would refer to the gratitude entries in my planner.

Even a quick flip through the pages without reading them all would move me and rekindle a sense of overwhelming gratitude for the numerous blessings I had received. It solidified my conviction that God has blessed me abundantly and will continue to do so.

This newfound peace allowed me to believe that despite the challenges I face, everything will ultimately be fine. With hope and anticipation, I can continue pursuing my dreams. It’s all about resilience. The habit of being grateful was a must for me, who has a strong negativity bias. 

My Children Have Grown Alongside Me

As I underwent personal growth, my family experienced positive changes. The constant complaints from my children gradually faded away. Instead of fighting, they developed a strong bond of friendship and started supporting each other.

Laughter became more common, and our family began to genuinely enjoy spending time together. Our home transformed into a place of comfort and relaxation for our children, rather than a source of tension. They now see themselves as fortunate individuals and have a greater sense of happiness.

Initially, our sharing time felt repetitive and dull, but it gradually became more lively and engaging. The expressions of gratitude became more varied and heartfelt. I even noticed our children sharing their gratitude with their classmates. Sometimes, we invited our children’s friends who visited our house to join our sharing time, and everyone enjoyed the experience.

Our eldest child, who was initially resistant due to being busy, admitted that he would miss our family’s gratitude-sharing moments the most once he entered college and lived in a dormitory. Despite the physical distance, our family still finds opportunities to express gratitude, thanks to the convenience of video calls.

Our second child, currently in high school, took the initiative to create a magazine highlighting the positive acts of service within the school community and featuring individuals who have a positive impact. Drawing from her experience organizing the Global 6K for Water event with a team she assembled in the spring of 2022, our daughter formed her own team to create the magazine.

The students assigned different roles, such as photography, interviews, article writing, and magazine editing. With the support of their leadership class advisor, our daughter successfully obtained financial assistance from the school.

I had the privilege of witnessing the cultivation of a culture of gratitude and encouragement within an American high school. The positive outcome was directly attributed to the magazine created by my daughter and her teammates. It filled my family and their school with a deep sense of pride and admiration.

The influence of positive mindset on daughter’s college entrance

The positive mindset our daughter developed played a significant role in her college admissions. Her decision to create the school magazine, Raderzine, stemmed from her strong desire to make a positive impact on her community.

With unwavering self-motivation and a cultivated entrepreneurial mindset that evolved over two to three years, she never let challenges easily discourage her or lead to giving up. Even when confronted with team members who failed to meet deadlines, she was willing to sacrifice sleep to fulfill her responsibilities as the team’s general manager.

She took great care of her team members, ensuring they could effectively showcase their talents and providing them with encouragement and support to fulfill their roles in a timely manner. The team’s structure and responsibilities were well-organized, enabling the magazine’s continued publication even after the graduation of the current high school seniors who held key positions.

Top universities in America highly value students who possess a mindset focused on the greater good, demonstrate leadership abilities, and have made positive contributions to society by charting their own path with resilience and an entrepreneurial spirit. This voluntary drive, willingness to embrace challenges, enterprising mindset, positive influence, and genuine servant leadership all originate from the foundation of a positive mindset.

Are you also facing this problem?

Our world is saturated with a wide range of negative and distressing news. People consume this news through newspapers, television broadcasts, and online platforms like YouTube. When our thoughts and emotions are overwhelmed by negativity, it is natural for negative language and behavior to emerge. Moreover, the negative perspectives that have been ingrained in us since childhood through media exposure, along with messages of self-denial and criticism from others, can deeply affect our mental and emotional well-being.

What’s even more disheartening is that individuals whose self-esteem has been shattered often find themselves trapped in a cycle of incessantly uttering self-deprecating words, thereby sabotaging their own self-worth. Not only that, but they also tend to gravitate towards negative influences in their choice of words, friends, and activities, reinforcing this destructive thinking pattern. Ultimately, this pattern undermines the overall quality of their lives. These negative words and actions seep into our homes, casting a cloud of darkness and pain. However, many individuals are not even aware that they are contributing to this harmful cycle.

Conclusion

A person who possesses a heart filled with positivity and gratitude is not someone who necessarily has more wealth or knowledge than others. Positive thinkers are individuals who have developed small positive habits. These seemingly insignificant practices, over time, can bring about a complete transformation in one’s life.

They consciously observe the positive experiences that come their way, savoring and treasuring them. They frequently recall these moments and express genuine gratitude for them, both in their hearts and through their words. They also reflect on the needs of their body, mind, and soul, and make a dedicated effort to meet those needs.

The first step is to distance ourselves from the negative influences that surround us. We must block out the noise of the world that disrupts our peace of mind. Instead of dwelling on hurtful words spoken by others or ourselves, we need to fill our hearts with gratitude.

Surprisingly, it is relatively simple to shift our focus from pain and dissatisfaction to a positive outlook. We can utilize the same habits we once complained about, but redirect our attention to different aspects and change our perspective. The key is to consistently seek out the good things, deeply contemplate them, and foster a constant attitude of gratitude.

Just as I am undergoing a transformation, you too can become a positive thinker. And may your children find happiness and fulfillment.

What are you grateful for in this moment? What expressions of gratitude would you share with your children or parents?