Photo by Joshua Jung
Turning Our Children from Complainers into Problem Solvers
The Challenge We Encountered
Soon after our move to Washington state, our youngest son began coming home from school in tears every day. It was a disheartening situation because the new school he’d enrolled in seemed to lack vital subjects like art and music. Even in classes supposedly focusing on reading and math, the educational offerings were meager at best.
What compounded the issue was that most of his classmates lagged behind in their reading skills by two to three years. Their approach to learning left much to be desired, and their respect for teachers was sorely lacking.
Regrettably, this problem extended beyond our youngest son’s elementary school; it also plagued the middle school our second child attended. Some classes were so turbulent that teachers found it nearly impossible to maintain control and cover the necessary material. Matters sometimes escalated to the point where physical confrontations occurred between students and teachers.
A Remarkable Turn of Events
Each day, we comforted our youngest, who protested vehemently against going to school. It took tremendous effort, but we managed to see him through to graduation.
As he entered middle school, he heeded his older sister’s advice and enrolled in the music class. What’s fascinating is that, even in a school environment marked by disorder and chaos, the music room stood as a stark exception. Here, the teacher’s authority remained unshakeable, and students approached learning with genuine enthusiasm.
Guided by this passionate teacher, students willingly embraced strict discipline and standards, despite the general disarray around them. Under the tutelage of this remarkable instructor, students honed their self-discipline, dedicated themselves to learning, and diligently refined their skills.
At this local school, music classes primarily consist of orchestra and band lessons. However, due to financial constraints in many students’ families, most cannot afford to purchase instruments or receive private lessons.
As a result, it becomes the responsibility of the middle school music teacher to guide students who may not even recognize a musical note. His task is to teach these students to read sheet music tailored to their respective instruments, accurately hit the right notes, and maintain the correct rhythm. While some external support is available, it remains insufficient for instructing over a hundred students.
Yet, despite the odds, the teacher orchestrated a remarkable transformation in these seemingly uncoordinated students in just one year. Every semester brought orchestral, band, and jazz band performances, and we couldn’t help but applaud our children’s extraordinary growth over a few short months.
Our kids, whenever they had a moment to spare, engaged in heartfelt conversations with the teacher in the music room, shared meals, and received special guidance. Even though my children began to struggle with their grades due to the disruptive linguistic and physical expressions they encountered at school, the connection with this exceptional teacher filled my whole family with gratitude and provided the strength to persevere through those times.
The Challenge as an Opportunity for Our Children’s Growth
Time has flown by, and now both our second and youngest children are in high school. It’s hard to believe our second child is already a high school senior (in 2022-2023). Although they graduated from middle school a while ago, they still make regular visits to their music teacher. Their reason is quite simple: to give back and help both their teacher and their fellow students.
Our second child has taken on a role mentoring the cellists in the orchestra, practicing alongside them for performances. Meanwhile, our youngest child is also actively involved, sometimes even stepping in to lead the band class when the teacher is absent, participating in the jazz band, preparing for solo and ensemble competitions with fellow graduates, and assisting with maintaining the classroom, including cleaning and organizing.
In addition, our second child’s after-school tutoring project at Sequoyah Middle School, a venture she had been gearing up for over several months, commenced in March 2023. She’ve joined forces with fellow alumni from the middle school and current students at Thomas Jefferson High School to form teams. My daughter and her friends are working together to help Sequoyah Middle School students with their homework and provide guidance in their studies.
My kids have transcended the role of merely identifying issues within the school. They’ve grown into individuals who not only pinpoint problems but also proactively suggest alternatives and collaboratively work on solutions.
Approaches to Problem-Solving Among Successful Individuals
Throughout life, we all face numerous discomforts and disappointments. However, the real issue isn’t the problems themselves, but rather how people react when they encounter a problem. Some tend to complain, criticize, blame, and look for someone to hold responsible.
As we journey through this world, problems are an inevitable part of everyone’s experience. The world is inherently imperfect, and we, as its inhabitants, are also flawed. Even if you reside in a place like Finland, which boasts the highest happiness index, problems will still crop up. No matter how high you climb in social status or amass all the world’s wealth, you can never truly escape from problems.
The real essence lies not in making every problem vanish, but in how we confront the challenges that come our way. It’s all about the attitude of seeking improved solutions in life. This is the common thread among successful people. They identify the issues people face and propose solutions. They create things to ease discomfort and offer services that enhance comfort and efficiency. Those who offer high-quality products or services to a wider audience tend to achieve significant success.
When we identify and address problems in a constructive manner, our living environment gets better. Resolving conflicts through non-violent communication deepens mutual understanding, fostering greater respect and care for one another.
These are the kind of leaders we truly need – those who listen empathetically, approach problems with a compassionate spirit, and seek solutions instead of simply highlighting issues. They’re the wise individuals who genuinely comprehend the spirit of the times and the needs of the era.
Our children aren’t guiding others in music due to some exceptional expertise or a history of winning grand competitions. To be frank, my daughter laid down her instrument a couple of years ago. I’m not writing this piece because I’m a highly accomplished, articulate person. Yet, in spite of all that, we persist in this small act of service because we understand it can be a source of solace, a resolution, and a beacon of hope for someone.
So, if you presently find yourself laden with complaints and grievances about someone or something… what solutions will you bring to the table?