This post continues from Mastering Emotions: Essential Techniques for Optimal Mental Health 1.
Nonviolent Communication for Self-Care and Social Skills Improvement
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) helps individuals objectively observe a problem, themselves, and the people involved in the situation. It encourages recognizing the emotions of oneself and others, identifying unmet needs and desires, empathizing with each other’s feelings, and caring for one another to fulfill those needs.
NVC enables people to view their situations objectively, as if looking down at the issue from above, helping them step out of the turmoil of the problem. This observation process is crucial for respecting one’s emotions and finding ways to meet one’s needs. Through this process, individuals can take proper care of themselves. In other words, NVC is an excellent method for self-awareness and self-care. It is the best way to develop metacognition, which is essential for a growing life.
Moreover, NVC makes individuals more sensitive to the emotions and needs of others, fostering respect for those feelings and needs. It helps develop the ability to empathize with others’ emotions and meet their needs. Therefore, NVC is the best method for enhancing social awareness and cultivating servant leadership.
The Power of Complete Acceptance
When someone fully knows, understands, accepts, respects, and cares for us, our emotions become calm. This serene state of mind can be expressed in English as “being still.”
Can we describe fully accepting someone and giving them our complete attention as “being fully present”? Just as God knows us completely, practicing Nonviolent Communication (NVC) helps us to know ourselves and others more deeply in those moments, accepting each other as we are.
Even if my communication skills were lacking, when I used NVC to acknowledge and validate the deep emotions of my children, healing occurred. By respecting their feelings and opinions, regardless of their age, and by apologizing and seeking forgiveness for my mistakes, I earned genuine respect from them. I became a mother with true authority, not one who demanded obedience out of fear of punishment. As a result, my children gained a sense of psychological stability.
Nonviolent Communication: A Prescription for Calming the Amygdala and Activating the Prefrontal Cortex
Practicing Nonviolent Communication (NVC) allows us to view crises and conflicts we face objectively, without interpretation, criticism, or blame, preventing the situation from escalating negatively. Consequently, we avoid getting caught in a whirlwind of negative emotions and gradually reduce the negative biases that make us dissatisfied and anxious.
NVC is the best method to calm the amygdala, which causes fear, anxiety, and anger in response to environmental stimuli, and to activate the prefrontal cortex, enabling us to consciously and intentionally change our environment.
It helps us break the habit of reacting passively and unconsciously by blaming others and the situation, instead fostering the ability to view situations objectively with rationality and take proactive, responsible actions to change them. This growth helps us become emotionally mature individuals who provide stability to those around us in critical situations by calming the amygdala and activating the prefrontal cortex.
NVC can be considered an essential prescription for modern individuals suffering from chronic stress. This prescription is not composed of chemical substances and does not forcibly alter our body’s hormones, thus it is entirely free of side effects and completely harmless. Although the effects may not be immediate, they are reliable, lasting, and safe.
How to Make Self-Emotional Coaching a Habit Using Nonviolent Communication
The easiest way to practice Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is through journaling. When a problem arises, it is often extremely difficult for ordinary people like me to calmly follow NVC principles amid the chaos. In such situations, even recalling the four simple components of NVC or identifying one’s current emotions from a “feelings list” can be challenging.
We have long been accustomed to habits of blaming, judging, and attacking others (if we think we can win) or avoiding and fleeing (if we think we can’t). To counteract these ingrained habits, we need to make conscious, intentional, and repetitive efforts continuously.
Despite knowing and striving to practice NVC for a long time, it remains a challenging task for me. Therefore, I devised a method to read the book Nonviolent Communication in a quiet place and journal according to its principles. This process has greatly helped me stabilize my mind and body, objectify the situation, and solve problems, so I wanted to share it with you.
If you want to make self-emotional coaching journaling a habit using NVC, I recommend trying the following steps:
- Read a Few Pages Daily: Read five pages or one chapter of Nonviolent Communication each day.
- Apply to Personal Conflicts: Reflect on your day and apply the content of the book to your conflict situations.
- Journal Using NVC Components: Journal following the four components of NVC: observation, feelings, needs, and requests.
- Allocate Reading Time: Spend 5 to 30 minutes reading the book, adjusting the time based on your reading habits and urgency. If you prefer, read the entire book first for a comprehensive understanding, but it is more important to read a little and apply the content to your situation than to read a lot and set the book aside.
Journaling can be time-consuming. If you are new to it, expect to spend at least 30 minutes to an hour. Therefore, it requires a strong desire to actively navigate your situation. However, just as you make time to watch your favorite drama, play games, or meet friends, you can also make time for self-emotional journaling if you truly want a transformed life!
For those unfamiliar with NVC, I recommend daily reading and application of the book to your situation. Aim to journal once a week. If conflicts are frequent and intense, consider journaling two to three times a week.
Believing that God will bring about positive change for you and your loved ones, and using the wisdom and perseverance He has given you, I strongly encourage you to start this practice immediately.
Stay tuned for the next installment, Mastering Emotions: Essential Techniques for Optimal Mental Health 3.
